Search results for: ""Shloshim""
Wedding during Shloshim
Do not get married during the first 30 days of mourning, but you may get engaged.
Shaving during Shloshim
If you shave regularly (can be every day or a few times each week), you may shave after 30 days but not within 30 even if for non-parent and certainly not for a parent. If you normally grow a beard, you may not shave until 3 months have passed since the last time you trimmed your beard (and as long as it is more than 30 days from the day shiva began for the parent).
In case of a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.
In case of a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.
Note A large loss is subjective to the individual's actual wealth and also to that person's perception of what is a large loss
Haircuts during Shloshim
Do not get a haircut for the first 30 days of mourning. When mourning for parents, a mourner's hair should grow for three months from the last haircut but not for less than 30 days from the time shiv'a began. This applies to men and women, except if the woman needs to cut her hair for immersing in the mikva.
Clothing during Shloshim
Do not wear newly purchased clothing during the first 30 days of mourning (shloshim). You may wear new clothing from the end of shiv'a if someone else wears them somewhat before you do.
Note Restrictions on newly purchased clothing end after:
- the year of mourning for those mourning for parents, and
- 30 days for those mourning for other relatives.
Bathing during Shloshim
For the first 30 days, a mourner should not bathe for pleasure in hot water and should only wash hands (to elbows), face (to collarbone), and feet (to the knees). If sweaty, smelly, or dirty, he or she may wash other body parts even during shiv'a. Lukewarm water may be used after shiv'a ends.
Shiv'a and Shloshim: Ended by Jewish Festivals
Shiv'a ends if a Jewish festival, Rosh Hashana, or Yom Kippur intervenes.
Shloshim ends if a Jewish festival, Rosh Hashana, or Yom Kippur intervenes.
If two of those holidays occur within the first seven days after burial, the first one will break shiv'a and the second one will break shloshim.
Shimini Atseret does not constitute a second day for breaking shiv'a or shloshim (it is considered to be part of Sukkot for this purpose).
Shloshim ends if a Jewish festival, Rosh Hashana, or Yom Kippur intervenes.
If two of those holidays occur within the first seven days after burial, the first one will break shiv'a and the second one will break shloshim.
Shimini Atseret does not constitute a second day for breaking shiv'a or shloshim (it is considered to be part of Sukkot for this purpose).
Kiddush Club during Shloshim
A mourner during shloshim (or the rest of the mourner's year) may eat at a kiddush on Shabbat after shacharit if he is expected to be there (for example, if he is a regular member of a “Kiddush Club”) because you may not display mourning in public on Shabbat.
Nail Cutting during Shloshim
Do not cut your nails for the first 30 days of mourning.
ExceptionWomen mourners may cut their nails before going to the mikva.
When Shiv'a (and Shloshim) Starts: Jewish Festivals
For someone who dies during Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, or any of the three Jewish festivals, the mourning period does not start until after the holiday has ended.
When Shiv'a (and Shloshim) Starts: Normal Days
Shiv'a (and shloshim) starts for a mourner who:
- Attends funeral: After the burial.
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Will not attend funeral and is a(n):
- Non-Onen: Immediately upon hearing news of the death.
- Onen: As soon as the onen has nothing (more) to do with the funeral.
Note Family members may observe shiv'a at different starting and ending times.
Duration of Shiv'a (and Shloshim)
Shiv'a lasts seven days. Shloshim lasts 30 days, beginning with Day 1 of shiv'a. There may be some exceptions if shiv'a occurs before or during festivals.
Note Any part of the first day is considered to be one full day. On the final day after shacharit, the mourners finish shiv'a, so shiv'a can actually last as little as 5 ½ calendar days.
Mourner Period When Shiv'a or Shloshim Are Shortened
Someone who is mourning for parents is still a mourner for the entire year even if shiv'a and shloshim are truncated.
When Shiv'a Ends: Onen
An onen ends shiv'a (and shloshim) with the household head ("gadol ha'bayit"--whoever controls the money in that household)—even if the household head begins shiv'a before burial and the onen joins the shiv'a house after burial.
Mourners Leading a Minyan
The dead person benefits if his/her son or sons lead public prayer services, whether during shloshim or the entire year (11 or 12 months). However, if the mourner is uncomfortable leading the minyan or is not a good reader or will be embarrassed, he should not feel obligated to do so.
A mourner does not lead a minyan on:
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Shabbat;
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Jewish Festivals (including chol ha'moed);
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Purim;
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Rosh Chodesh.
Opinions differ concerning Chanuka, so follow your local custom.
Kaddish for Relatives Other than Parents
If you wish, you may say mourner's kaddish for family members other than parents, especially during shloshim (the first 30 days after burial), since the first 30 days after death are the most difficult for the dead person's soul.
However, you may say kaddish for anyone even after shloshim ends, if you wish, until the end of 11 months (for a shomer-mitzvot person) or 12 months (for a non-shomer mitzvot person. But in a place where only one person says kaddish, you may not supplant another person who is halachically required to say kaddish.
However, you may say kaddish for anyone even after shloshim ends, if you wish, until the end of 11 months (for a shomer-mitzvot person) or 12 months (for a non-shomer mitzvot person. But in a place where only one person says kaddish, you may not supplant another person who is halachically required to say kaddish.