Search results for: ""Bar mitzva""

Bar Mitzva and Adar 2 Birthday
If a boy born in Adar 2 will be bar mitzva in a year with only one Adar, his bar mitzva is in Adar, not in Nisan. If a boy born in Adar 1 will be 13 years old in a year with two Adars, his bar mitzva will be in Adar 2.
Boy Who Becomes Bar Mitzva during Omer
Situation
A boy becomes bar mitzva during the omer.  He has been counting the omer and has said the omer blessing without missing a day.
What To Do
He continues counting as he had been doing.
Note Boys should be counting the omer with a blessing from before they become bar mitzva, so there should not be any break.
Child's Dressing
A child under bar mitzva or bat mitzva age also gets dressed the same way as an adult, except if less than 7 years old (consult a rabbi in that case).
 
Everyone Must Drink at Seder
At the Passover seder, all Jews above the age of bar mitzva or bat mitzva (including women--unlike on other Jewish festivals) must drink wine for kiddush and for the other three times in the seder when the borei pri ha'gafen blessing is said.
Note On the other Jewish festivals, only one person needs to drink the wine when kiddush is said, and that will cover and fulfill everyone else's requirement for that kiddush.
Note Only children and people who will get sick if they drink alcohol are permitted to drink grape juice at seder.
Offspring at Funeral

Attending a funeral is a mitzva--that of honoring the dead person--but in attending a parent's funeral, there is the added mitzva of honoring a parent.

Adult (at least bar mitzva or bat mitzva) offspring should attend their parent's funeral, unless there is a financial, health, or other significant reason not to attend. There is no requirement for minor offspring to attend a funeral for a parent. RMH recommends consulting a rabbi before having a minor go to any funeral, including for the child's parent.

NoteIf both parents are still alive, it is not customary to go to the cemetery for any funeral except for a close relative, but it is a mitzva to attend the eulogies and ceremony beforehand.

Public Festivities for Mourner for Parent

A mourner may not generally enter a hall of joyous celebration and may not eat at any public meal. During the year of mourning for parents, you may not join any public festivities (even if it is not a simcha) that have a meal, including any meals celebrating a mitzva (se'udat mitzva) such as for a brit mila, wedding, or redemption of a son (pidyon ha'ben). After 30 days, you may attend a bar mitzva or a siyum meal, since a bar mitzva is similar to a siyum since the child's parent's commandment to educate his/her child in Jewish education has been completed.
ExceptionA mourner whose child is getting married, does attend the wedding and does eat at the meal with everyone else, even if mourning for a parent. He or she does not need to leave the room when music is being played. To attend the wedding of anyone other than one's child, regardless of who died, a mourner must eat alone and outside the main dining area.

Note An intervening Jewish festival partially truncates the 30 days of mourning and so you may attend a bar mitzva or siyum even before the end of 30 days.
NoteIf you work at weddings (caterer, musician, etc.), you may attend weddings even before 30 days are up, but you may not join the meal.
Introduction to Mourning

Who Is a Mourner

A mourner is defined in halacha as someone mourning during the 12-month mourning period for parents or the 30-day mourning period for the other five relatives (spouse, brother, sister, son, daughter). After 30 days, one is no longer a mourner for anyone but one's parents.

Mourners' Restrictions

If the mourner goes about business as usual, it may show he or she doesn't care about the close relative who died. The mourner should ideally not want to do these things. The mourner honors the dead person by refraining from pampering him/herself and refraining from going about his or her life as usual.

Public Meals

A mourner may not attend a public meal for any purpose. For example, if the mourner attends a lecture or Torah class at which food is being served, he or she may not eat the food. This only applies to sit-down meals; snacking is permitted.

Siyum/Brit/Bar Mitzva

After 30 days after a parent's burial, a mourner may:

  • Attend a siyum or bar mitzva and eat there.
  • Attend a brit but not eat there.
Note If there is music (live or recorded), the mourner must leave.

Weddings

A mourner may not eat at a wedding and may not even be in the wedding hall after the ceremony took. The mourner may also not hear the music at a wedding.

Exceptions
  • If the mourner is the parent of someone getting married, the mourner can fully participate in the wedding.
  • If the mourner is the bride or groom, he or she must normally wait to get married until after shloshim/30 days.
Note If it is after shiva, but still during shloshim, consult a rabbi.

Kiddush and Shabbat or Festival Meals

A mourner may not publicly (noticeably) mourn on Shabbat or festivals so he or she may attend Shabbat or festival meals and kiddushes if he or she would be expected to attend. If the mourner always or routinely invites some person or a lot of different people on Shabbat or festivals, it is still permitted. If the mourner does not routinely invite some person or a lot of different people to a Shabbat or festival meal, then he or she may not, for his or her own enjoyment, invite guests for meals. However, the mourner is permitted to do so for other purposes (for the benefit of the invited person or people), such as kiruv or hachnasat orchim. There is no limit to how many guests the mourner may host.

The mourner may attend or host a sheva brachot in his/her home.

A mourner should not be invited to meals, even for Shabbat or festivals; but if he/she was invited, he/she may go.

Holidays

A mourner does eat at a Purim or Jewish festival seuda, since there is no mourning on Purim nor on any festival (except Chanuka).

Introduction to How To Pray in Synagogue
The synagogue (shul) prayer service may confuse the unfamiliar. Here is a brief guide to following the congregational prayers.
Note This Guide may be printed and given to people who are unfamiliar with the prayer services (or to people who are not yet completely comfortable in following the prayer services). It may be particularly useful for people who do not normally attend weekday minyans, especially people who are saying kaddish!

A printed copy may also be useful as a guide to a specific siddur. Before the prayer service takes place, the actual page numbers may be copied from the siddur onto the pages of the Guide for quick reference during the service. (This could be done by the user or by someone who is more familiar with the prayer services, as an aid to help the user follow what is going on.)
 
General Rules in Following/Answering the Leader
Ends/Beginnings of Paragraphs
Each individual says most of the prayers, but the leader sets the pace. He says out loud the last line or two of many paragraphs (and sometimes the next paragraph's first few words), to help others find where he is in the prayers.
Hint If you get lost, listen to the leader and try to find those words at the beginning or end of one of the paragraphs near where you think you should be!
 
Saying Amen
When the prayer leader/chazan says a blessing (Baruch ata adonai...) and finishes the final word, everyone usually replies amen.
 
Baruch Hu U'Varuch Shemo
It is common (but not required) to say baruch hu u'varuch shemo after hearing God's name (Adonai) when it is said in a blessing.
Exception No one should say baruch hu u'varuch shemo between bar'chu and the beginning of the amida.
Note Some people say the phrase very loudly and slowly (pretentiously), but this wrong practice may prevent themselves and others from hearing the blessing's end and knowing when to say amen.
 
Praying Shacharit
This list mainly includes the parts of the prayer service that are said together or when in synagogue, not those said individually or at home.
NoteIf you need to use the toilet between baruch she'amar and yishtabach, say asher yatzar after saying yishtabach and before saying yotzeir or.
Note If you need to speak during the early part of shacharit, it is best to speak after yishtabach but before bar'chu. You should not speak during psukei d'zimra unless it is urgent or about the shacharit service.
 
Initial Blessings/Asher Natan
The initial blessings beginning with asher natan... through the end of ven brit may be said at home.
 
Ma Tovu
Upon arriving in synagogue in the morning, say Ma tovu....
 
Talit
Married men (and also those with a tradition to wear a talit from bar mitzva age) normally put on their talit gadol on all days (except Tish'a b'Av morning).
For more details, see Talit (Gadol).
 
Tefilin
On weekdays, all men put on tefilin. They do not interrupt putting on tefilin to respond to other's prayers, not even to say amen
For more details, see Tefilin.
 
Birchot HaShachar/Initial Blessings
If you have not yet said the initial blessings beginning with asher natan... through the end of ven brit, say them once you are in synagogue and after you have put on talit/tefilin (if relevant).  
Everyone stands while the prayer leader reads the initial blessings aloud.  They say amen after each one. 
Note Individuals should not intend to fulfill their personal requirement to say those blessings by answering amen, since everyone should say the blessings for him/herself.
 
L'Olam Yehei Adam/Shema
L'olam yehei adam is said quietly, with everyone saying the shema line together.
 
Order of the Sacrifices
Some read (quietly) the order of the sacrifices.
 
13 Principles of Talmud Explanation/Kaddish
  • The 13 principles of how the Talmud is explained are read quietly.
  • Kaddish is said by any mourners.
  • Everyone says, amen, yihei shmei raba...
Note Everyone, not just mourners, stands for kaddish; this is the custom for all kaddishes and for all services.
 
Mizmor Shir/Kaddish
  • Mizmor shir is read quietly.
  • Another kaddish is said by the mourners.
Baruch SheAmar
            Baruch she'amar is said by everyone, standing.  The leader says the final blessing out loud.
 
Verses (Psukim)
The following several pages are verses (psukim) from various sources, said by everyone quietly.
Note The leader says several intermediary lines aloud due to their importance and so that everyone else knows where he is. 
 
Mizmor L'Toda/Yehi Chevod
  • Everyone stands to say mizmor l'toda quietly (just for this paragraph).
  • The next paragraph (yehi chevod) is read quietly.
Note Don't say mizmor l'toda the day before or during Passover (the Thanksgiving offering/Toda was chametz), or before Yom Kippur.
 
Ashrei and 5 Psalms
Ashrei and the following five psalms (#146 to 150) are said quietly by everyone; the leader says the final line or two out loud.
 
Baruch Adonai L'Olam Amen v'Amen
Baruch adonai... is said by the leader.  
 
VaYevarech David
The next section (from va'yevarech David until after bar'chu) is said quietly by everyone while standing.
 
Shirat HaYam
Shirat ha'yam is read quietly by everyone.
 
Yishtabach/Kaddish
Yishtabach is said quietly by everyone together. The leader says the final line of yishtabach out loud and then kaddish.
 
Bar'chu
  • The leader says Bar'chu et Adonai ha'mevorach.
  • Everyone bows from the waist and replies (aloud), Baruch Adonai ha'mevorach l'olam va'ed (which is then repeated by the leader).
  • Everyone says the blessing's ending ...u'vorei et ha'kol.
 
Shema and Its Blessings
The next paragraphs lead up to the shema:
  • Leader says, “Et shem ha'el...”
  • Everyone says aloud, together: Kadosh, kadosh, kadosh... and Baruch kevod Adonai mi'mkomo.
  • Leader says the final line or two of La'el baruch ne'imot... and everyone responds amen.
  • Everyone says ahavat olam quietly.
  • Leader reads the final lines aloud.
    Note It is the custom to not say amen to the blessing before shema.
  • Everyone says the first line of the shema together and aloud, but Baruch shem... silently. 
  • Everyone reads the shema individually, and the leader repeats out loud Adonai eloheichem emet.
  • Everyone reads the next paragraphs, through ezrat avoteinu, together, quietly.
 
Mi Chamocha
Stand for Mi chamocha until after the amida.

Adonai Yimloch
Everyone reads together and aloud: Adonai yimloch... until the final blessing before the amida.
Note At some time before completing that blessing, step back far enough (one large step is fine) so that you can take three small steps forward to begin the amida. If there is no room to step back, you may pray the amida without stepping forward.
 
The Amida
Amida: Details and Direction
For more details on saying the amida, see What To Pray: Set Prayers: Amida
For where to face during the amida, see Amida: Location: Where To Face
 
Stepping To Begin the Amida
After saying ga'al Yisrael, symbolically approach God by taking three steps forward (any size of steps is fine):
  • Step forward with your right foot,
  • Step forward with your left foot, and
  • Step forward with your right foot.
  • Bring your left foot to meet the right one, so that both feet are touching at the heels and at the balls (so that you are standing as if you had one leg, like the angels!)
Bowing in the Amida
Next, with your feet still together, do knee-bowing at the start and end of the first paragraph.  You will also be bowing at:
  • Beginning of modim (waist-bowing).
  • End of modim (knee-bowing at Baruch ata Adonai of the blessing ending u'lecha na'eh l'hodot).
Note For how to do knee-bowing and waist-bowing, see Amida: Actions: Bowing.
           
Slach Lanu
In slach lanu, when saying ki chatanu and ki fashanu, hit your chest over your heart with your fist.
Reason We are saying that we sinned, so we strike our heart for leading us astray.
 
Ending the Amida
Symbolically take leave of God by taking three steps back after Adonai tzuri v'go'ali:
  • Step back on your left foot,
  • Step back on your right foot,
  • Step back on your left foot (and then place your right foot next to your left foot).
  • Bow to the left while saying Oseh shalom bi'mromav...,
  • Bow to the right while saying Hu ya'aseh shalom alenu, and
  • Bow to the middle (straight in front of you) while saying Ve'al kol yisrael v'imru amen.
Then pause for at least three seconds before walking forward or sitting down.
 
Reader's Repetition of Amida
At kedusha, everyone stands (even if they were sitting so far for the amida's repetition) with their feet together, again imitating the angels who only have one leg.
  • The leader says nekadeish (in some places, everyone says nekadeish).
  • Everyone says the next line together (kadosh, kadosh, kadosh...).
Note When saying kadosh each of the three times, rise up on the balls of your feet and return to “feet flat” so you will be able to rise up three times total.  Some people also rise on their feet when they say the next line (baruch kevod), but it is neither required nor a universal practice.
  • After the leader says Halleluya, everyone else may move their feet (or sit down, if that is their custom).
  • On fast days, the leader says an extra paragraph in shacharit (other paragraphs in mincha are said by everyone).
Note These extra paragraphs usually appear in small--or tiny!--print in siddurs near where they get said. Look for asterisks to show where to insert them. It might be helpful before beginning shacharit to ask someone to point out exactly what to say and when.

Tachanun

When To Say Tachanun
Tachanun is usually said on weekdays.

How To Say Tachanun
Tachanun is said differently, depending on if there is a Torah scroll in the room, as follows:
Tachanun If Torah Scroll Present
Tachanun with Torah Scroll: Sun., Tues., Wed., Fri. 
To say tachanun on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, when a Torah scroll is present:
  • Say Va'yomer David sitting down, while resting your head on your left arm (unless you are wearing tefilin on your left arm, in which case lean onto your right arm). 
Note Rest your head on your left arm even if you are left-handed. Some type of cloth should separate your face and your arm when doing this, but if your arm is bare and you don't have a talit or other garment with which to cover your arm, you do not need to put your head down at all. There is no problem with not being permitted to put your face on your bare arm, just that there is no point in doing so.
  • When you reach shomer Yisrael, lift your head up and sit normally while saying the paragraphs until v'anachnu lo neida ma na'aseh.
  • Before saying “na'aseh,” stand up for the remainder of tachanun.
Tachanun with Torah Scroll: Mon., Thur.
To say tachanun on Mondays and Thursdays, when a Torah scroll is present:
  • Say tachanun standing until Va'yomer David... at which time, everyone sits down.
  • Follow the directions above for the remainder of tachanun.
 
Tachanun If No Torah Scroll
Put your head down only if there is a Torah scroll in the room.  When you say tachanun in a room in which there is no Torah scroll, sit for the first part (without resting your head on your arm), remaining sitting for shomer yisrael..., then stand for va'anachnu lo neida.
For more about putting your head down for Tachanun, see Tachanun.


Hallel
  • When hallel is said, most of the psalms are said quietly by everyone.  (In some synagogues, several of the psalms are sung in unison.)
  • The lines beginning Hodu l'adonai... are read aloud by the leader.
  • Everyone else responds aloud, Hodu l'adonai... and reads quietly the next line (which the leader then reads aloud when they finish).
  • Similarly, Ana adonai is read responsively by the leader, followed by everyone else.
 
Kaddish
The leader says kaddish out loud.
 
Torah Reading (Mondays and Thursdays)
  • Everyone reads quietly the phrases va'yehi be'nso'a... and brich shmei.
  • The Torah is taken out and carried to the bima.
  • As each man (called an oleh) is called up to the Torah:
    • The oleh says Bar'chu...
    • Everyone responds Baruch Adonai....,
    • The oleh repeats that line and says a blessing.
    • Everyone answers amen.
  • After each reading, the oleh says one more blessing and everyone replies amen.
  • After the third aliya, the Torah is lifted up.
  • Everyone says, V'zot haTorah....
  • The Torah is rolled and wrapped.
  • Meanwhile, the leader reads four paragraphs beginning, Yehi ratzon mi'lifnei avinu...
  • The final paragraph, Acheinu kol bet yisrael... is read by everyone aloud.
  • The Torah is put back while everyone reads two psalms quietly.
 
Ashrei/U'va L'Tzion

  • Everyone reads ashrei quietly, followed by la'menatzeiach and u'va l'tziyon.
  • Everyone together says, Kadosh, kadosh, kadosh and Baruch kevod.
 
Kaddish
The leader says kaddish.
 
Alenu
Everyone says alenu together.
 
Kaddish
Mourners say kaddish.
 
Psalm for the Day
Psalm for that day is read by everyone.
 
Kaddish
One more kaddish is said by the mourners.
 
L'David
  • During Elul and into Tishrei, L'David is read by everyone.
  • One more kaddish is said by the mourners.
 
Praying Ma'ariv
 
V'hu Rachum
Everyone reads the two introductory lines of v'hu rachum.
 
Bar'chu
  • Leader says bar'chu.
  • Everyone else responds, baruch Adonai....
  • The leader repeats that line.
  • Everyone reads the next paragraph/blessing.
  • The leader says that final line out loud.
  • Everyone responds amen.
Note Don't say baruch hu u'varuch shemo at all during ma'ariv.
 
Shema and Its Blessings
  • The leader repeats the final two words of the shema and the word emet.
  • Everyone continues quietly saying the phrases until Mi chamocha.
  • Mi chamocha is said by everyone together including by the leader, who then also reads the next line.
  • Everyone says Adonai yimloch... together, continuing through the end of the next blessing, which is repeated by the leader.
  • Everyone says hashkiveinu quietly.
  • The leader says the blessing shomer amo Yisrael la'ad out loud.
  • Baruch Adonai l'olam... is said through to the end by everyone quietly.
  • The leader says the final line and the final blessing out loud.
Note Baruch Adonai l'olam is not said in Eretz Yisrael.
 
Kaddish
The leader says kaddish.
 
Amida
Everyone says the amida silently and individually.
 
Kaddish
The leader says kaddish.
 
Alenu
Everyone says alenu together.
 
Kaddish
Kaddish is said by any mourners.

 
Shabbat: Electricity/Electrical Devices: Turning Off
You may not turn off or disconnect an operating electrical device (such as an alarm, appliance, light, oven, or any machinery) on Shabbat, even using a shinui and even if the noise will prevent you from sleeping. You may ask a non-Jew to turn it off, but you may not ask a Jew, not even a child below bar/bat mitzva age.
Note If the device catches on fire, you may call the fire department or unplug it. However, there must be an actual danger or actual fire in order for you to disconnect it yourself.  You may not disconnect the device if there is only a chance that it will catch fire.
Jewish Festivals: Turning Off Electrical Devices
You may not turn off or disconnect an operating electrical device (such as an alarm, appliance, light, oven, or any machinery) on Jewish festivals, even using a shinui and even if the noise will prevent you from sleeping. You may ask a non-Jew to turn it off, but you may not ask a Jew, not even a child below bar/bat mitzva age.
Note If the device catches on fire, you may call the fire department or unplug it. However, there must be an actual danger or actual fire in order for you to disconnect it yourself.  You may not disconnect the device if there is only a chance that it will catch fire, unless an indirect means (grama) is possible (in which case, it would be permissible; consult a rabbi).
Blessings and Using God's Name in Vain
You may not use God's name unless there is a positive purpose. Anyone may say any of God's names anytime when studying Torah, even a girl or woman who is reading the Torah with cantillation/trop where she might need to repeat God's name or other words in a line/pasuk and thereby not say the entire pasuk as it is written.
It is permissible to use God's name (and not an altered name such as “Keil” or “Elokim”) in these cases:
  • When reciting a sentence or phrase from the Torah.
  • For any type of teaching of Torah, blessings, and prayers to children up to bar/bat mitzva age.
  • In Shabbat songs/zmirot.
Note When singing zmirot on Shabbat, you should use God's correct name, since zmirot are a form of prayer.
Chanuka: Candles: Who May Light
Anyone in the household who has reached bar or bat mitzva age can light Chanuka candles, thereby fulfilling the halachic requirement that one candle per household per night must be lit.
 
Chanuka: Synagogue Menora: SheHecheyanu in Synagogue
If you light the Chanuka menora in the synagogue on the first night of Chanuka, say she'hecheyanu in synagogue. When you go home, if you light only for yourself, do not say she'hecheyanu again. However, if you light for your wife or for any adults including children above the age of bar or bat mitzva, say she'hecheyanu again.
Introduction to Morning Prayers/Shacharit (Weekday): Order of Prayers
Here is a typical order of waking/morning prayers for weekdays (many people say these blessings at the synagogue instead of at home):
  • Wake
    Wake and wash hands (Three-Times Method).
  • Bathroom
    Take care of any toilet needs, wash your hands (One-Time Method).
    Say blessings al netilat yadayim and asher yatzar (until l'fgarim meitim).
  • Torah Blessings
  Say Torah blessings (from la'asok bi'divrei Torah until talmud Torah ki'negged
  kulam
).
  • Talit Katan
    Put on talit katan (for men).
    Say blessing if not married or if not putting on talit gadol later.
      Note You may put on the talit katan before washing your hands
  • Birchot HaShachar
  Say birchot ha'shachar (from natan la'sechvi…until ven brit) before, or at,
  synagogue.
  • Talit/Tefilin
  Put on:

 

  • Talit (for married men or other men with that custom).
  • Tefilin (for men).
  • L'olam Yihei Adam/Korbanot
   Say:
  • L'olam yihei adam,
  • Short shema,
  • Paragraph ending mekadeish et shimcha ba'rabim,
  • Readings on sacrifices/korbanot,
  • 13 rules.
  • Psukei D'Zimra
  Say:
  • Psalm 30/Mizmor Shir Chanukat habayit.
  • Baruch she'amar through yishtabach (includes ashrei).
  • Bar'chu/Shema/Amida
  Say bar'chu through end of amida (including shema, with two blessings before and
  one after), tachanun (when appropriate) and ashrei through to alenu.
  • Psalms/Alenu
  Say alenu and psalm for the day.
 
Terms To Know
  • Neitz, HaNeitz—Sunrise
  • Alot HaShachar—72 minutes before sunrise
  • MiSheyakir-- 36 minutes before sunrise in New York in winter and 40 minutes in summer. Nearer to the equator, the maximum time is shorter.
Note Even though mi'sheyakir means when there is enough light to identify your friend, it also means when you can differentiate between blue and white threads in the tzitzit, since the mitzva of tzitzit is only during the daytime.

When Things Happen
Before Alot HaShachar (72 minutes before sunrise)
You can put on tzitzit/talit and tefilin without blessings.

Alot HaShachar
You can say:
  • Birchot ha'shachar.
  • Shema and amida, b'di'avad.
Mi'sheyakir (36-40 minutes before sunrise)
You can say:
  • Blessings over tefilin and tzitzit/talit.
  • Shema and amida as necessary.
K'Vatikin
You can say shema l'chatchila--and begin saying the amida exactly at sunrise.

By Third Halachic Hour of the Day
You have until the third halachic hour of the day to say:
  • The blessing mekadeish et shimcha ba'rabim if you want to include the word Adonai.
  • Morning shema.
By Fourth Halachic Hour of the Day
You have until the fourth halachic hour of the day to say any of the prayers from barchu until the end of the amida.

Halachic Mid-Day
You have until halachic mid-day, b'di'avad, to say the shacharit amida.